Recruiting is weirdly like middle school dating.
You’re never quite sure if a coach like-likes you or just “likes” you.
Recruits are so desperate for any indication that they are liked and wanted by a college program that it is possible to take any messaging and turn that into more interest than is warranted.
(It’s kind of like your friend who is convinced the prom queen is in love with him because she looked his way once in bio class. I believe the Gen Z “bruhhhh” is warranted here but I digress)
So how do you know if a coach is interested in you and then, more importantly, how can you tell how interested?
Indirect Communication
The first level of communication is indirect. This takes place on Twitter or email and can look like a coach following you, or sending you a camp or junior day graphic invite.
It only means you exist on their board somewhere. But it does not mean you are the number one guy there either.
Direct Communication
This second level of communication looks like direct iMessage texting, phone calls, FaceTime, Zoom, or in-person visiting. And typically there is an uptick in how often coaches are communicating directly with you.
Ghosting
But, what if you visit and things start hot and heavy with a school but then suddenly the trail goes cold?
First, it’s safe to always assume that any drop off in communication is unintentional.
Coaches are 10x busier than their ability to adequately get back to players on a consistent basis, even ones they really want sometimes.
I like Hanlon’s Razor here…
Never ascribe malice to that which an honest mistake can be ascribed to.
Basically, until proven otherwise, assume good intentions from whatever coach you’re dealing with.
Second, understand that modern recruiting incentivizes ambiguity for both players and coaches.
A school will only pick one player and a player will only pick one school. Therefore, both sides are highly motivated to create multiple options for themselves.
(Ever have a friend who dates no one but is “talking to” multiple people? Yeah, it’s kind of like that at this stage)
Therefore, it is safe to assume if a coach says you are one of their guys, you are probably one of a few of “their guys”.
Lastly, it is totally polite, normal and fine to politely, yet persistently nudge coaches for replies to messages.
You are not annoying coaches if you do this tastefully like this…
Coach, just bumping my previous message to the top of your inbox. Know you’re very busy, thanks so much.
If you get no reply, wait 7-10 days and then try once more. If still no reply, it is safe to assume you were the backup option and it is time to move onto another school.
Summing It Up
While football in high school is the same football in college, its context almost makes it feel like you’re on another planet.
College football largely operates on a zero sum business norm where players are evaluated only for their ROI to a college program winning more games (even if programs hem and haw about Team and Family, it’s still about brass tax winning).
This is a sharp departure from high school football where players are used to being found valuable and special simply by virtue of being on the team by their coaches, teachers and staff.
The players and families who can handle this cultural shift, and ambiguity usually do the best in the recruiting process.
Key Points
Teams always over recruit. You are not the only person they are talking to.
Most ghosting is the byproduct of unintentional busyness.
It is polite and appropriate to nudge coaches to reply to you.
If you are asking yourself if a coach is really recruiting you, they probably aren’t and you’re a backup option (which is OK too) You will know by how persistent a staff is when you are their number one guy.